Learning To Let Go But Not Give Up
Everyday we are faced with constant reminders. Reminders of who we are, who we once were, and who we think we actually are. Rarely do these ideals line up at all if ever and when you think you've made good progress on yourself, you see that car similar to the one they used to drive, catch a whiff of a familiar smell, or that song you swear you wouldn't listen to anymore because of them.
When it comes to moving on from a rough time in your life, its much easier to default on old methods like "out of sight, out of mind". Sound familiar? This is because we have all learned those kinds of techniques from similar sources. It could have been from a sibling, parent, friend, or even a TV show. We value what others have to say, especially those we think highly of. But what if their advice doesn’t help? What then? Does it invalidate what they have to say or what they've told you before? Well, probably not.
Sometimes letting go is the right thing. It allows us to break free from the binds that hold us back from truly growing and evolving as a person. It gives us new opportunities to move forward. It lets us start healing.
Let us be very clear. Moving on and learning from your experiences and reflecting on those experiences is not the same as dwelling on the past. It may feel that way sometimes but your reasons for doing so determine whether or not it is going to help you or hurt you further. It is a difficult and dangerous lesson to learn because relapsing is such a real threat. So the next question is naturally…
How can I learn from my mistakes or others who have wronged me in the past without letting it bring me down in the process?
Earlier we mentioned that how you approach your past experiences is the most important differentiator between reflection and growth and dwelling on negative emotions. A simple example we're sure most of you have struggled with is failing something, like a test. You fail this test for some reason or a number of reasons, but you don't get to really hash out why you failed when you are handed your grade. So you default to blaming outside sources or even blaming yourself; sometimes both, right? "I failed because the test was too hard." "I failed because my teacher hates me." "I failed because I'm not smart enough…"
We propose that instead of focusing on who or what to blame, accept that the test was failed. Accept that things could have gone better but didn't. Accept that you can't change the past. But, you can influence your future, right? That right there is like having the power of Thanos in the palm of your hand or infinity gauntlet as it were (still haven't seen these movies but we feel like it fits here). Imagine being able to change the course of the future by your will and actions alone. Well we're here to tell you that you can, and you do, every day. Once you realize this, life gets a lot easier. It's work though.
Things wont just fall into your lap. You have to earn it. Often times we relinquish ourselves to whatever is happening around us. We think that we have no say or influence on our own lives. Like our parents, teachers or the government (whatever!) controls us. And while they do have a strong impact on us, they do not define us or our actions. We decide what we do, and maybe we can't always do anything and everything we want all the time, but we take what we can and grow outward from there on our own terms. Eventually, if we keep at it, our decisions will be the biggest factor affecting our own lives. But we need to be careful. Remember that movie where Toby McGuire played Spiderman for some reason? With great power comes great capability? Yeah, we think what's what Uncle Ben said but enough of this tangent.
When we fail or when we are hurt, we have to realize why it hurts in a positive way. If, for example, your crush doesn't like you even though you think you would be perfect together; it's not their fault things may have not worked out. By extension, to hate love because you were hurt isn't the best way to grow from it either. The "solution" for the future is not to 'never love someone again,' effectively closing your heart, but to recognize that while things may not have gone your way, it isn’t the end of the road for you. Maybe there is something you can focus on improving on instead.
Of course, we aren't trying to say that there is something wrong with you or that needs 'fixing.' You aren't broken. However, this does give you the opportunity to become an even better version of yourself. This won't happen overnight and is honestly pretty difficult to keep up with. We struggle sometimes with this too. It's so easy to get down on ourselves for even the smallest things and when we realize we're doing that to ourselves, we know we're worth better - better treatment from others sure, but especially better treatment from ourselves.
Remember to be kind to yourself and never give up on what is important to you unless it’s no longer important to you.
